So what drives me crazy is when I have a headache and someone tells me to push on my hand or take 15 deep breaths in a row. I cough and oh god! "You drink some green tea!" Sniffly? "Rub some fly poo on a q-tip and rub it on the inside of your left nostril." Everyone is a walking webmd and ready to hand out expert medical advice at a moment's notice. Here's some advice for you psuedo-doctors: Shut up before I punch you in the face and recommend you take 356mg of advil for the pain.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Douche Bags
Like everyone else in the world, I wish everyone was like me: A little bit funny, a little bit smart, concerned about the well-being of dogs and old people and all-around harmless. I would totally want to have a friend like me.
75% of my associates, though, should probably--and don't take this the wrong way--burn in hell. They represent everything that's fundamentally wrong with the human race. If you've been picked up in a bar recently by a guy that insulted you on initial approach, you've met Larry. An insecure guy who believes women will fall for him if he treats them like shit. If you've been publicly humiliated in the past couple of weeks, that's probably because you were in the same room as Don, who likes to make other people look bad so he looks just a little bit better. If you made a bet with someone who subsequently lost and refused to concede the victory to you, it was Jimmy, who will never be wrong, no matter how wrong he is. Oh! And has someone (who probably hasn't showered in a few days because he's too intelligent to waste his time on hygiene) told you recently how stupid you are in front of a room full of people just because he thought he was funny? If so, Brent must be your guy.
All I'm saying is that these 4 guys, who make up 40% of my office are some of the most horrible people I've met. I have to think, then, that if I extrapolate this percentage to the rest of the population, that would mean that 60% of the world is good for nothing. How depressing.
75% of my associates, though, should probably--and don't take this the wrong way--burn in hell. They represent everything that's fundamentally wrong with the human race. If you've been picked up in a bar recently by a guy that insulted you on initial approach, you've met Larry. An insecure guy who believes women will fall for him if he treats them like shit. If you've been publicly humiliated in the past couple of weeks, that's probably because you were in the same room as Don, who likes to make other people look bad so he looks just a little bit better. If you made a bet with someone who subsequently lost and refused to concede the victory to you, it was Jimmy, who will never be wrong, no matter how wrong he is. Oh! And has someone (who probably hasn't showered in a few days because he's too intelligent to waste his time on hygiene) told you recently how stupid you are in front of a room full of people just because he thought he was funny? If so, Brent must be your guy.
All I'm saying is that these 4 guys, who make up 40% of my office are some of the most horrible people I've met. I have to think, then, that if I extrapolate this percentage to the rest of the population, that would mean that 60% of the world is good for nothing. How depressing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
